


Hug and Die!

by mrv3000



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-11-19
Updated: 2007-11-19
Packaged: 2017-10-19 18:57:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/204168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrv3000/pseuds/mrv3000
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor and Rose have to hug.  Aliens made them do it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hug and Die!

"Hug!" The giant orange blob rippled with its command.

The Doctor blinked. "Sorry?"

"YOU WILL HUG!" A protrusion from the blob sort of pointed at them, which the Doctor really hoped was a hand.

It was terribly rude to keep thinking of them as simply "blobs" instead of Quals, but blob was such a fun thing to say. Or think. Blob. Heh heh. Brilliant.

"The yellow one sat on our Queen!" the blob called out to the other blobs in the room.

"I thought it was a bean bag! You should have signs!" Rose declared.

"And the brown one simply won't shut up!"

"Well, now, that might be true," the Doctor said, "but is that any reason to carry out a punishment? I'm assuming it is a punishment? Hugging? Fairly certain I could do that standing on my head, which I've never tried but suddenly I really, really want to."

"HUG..."

"Doctor, I think we're going to have to hug."

"Ooh, you know how I hate that."

"Me too."

"Yeah?" The Doctor grinned.

Rose grinned back. "Oh yeah."

"...TO THE DEATH!"

"Whoa, whoa, WHOA!" the Doctor exclaimed. "No death!"

The blob tilted to one side, which the Doctor thought might be a sneer. "You will remain in contact with each other past the five-minute safety mark. And we all know what happens then."

"Ah. Yes. We all know what happens then."

Rose wrinkled her forehead at him.

"Death, right Rose?" He nodded at her.

"Ohhhhh. That death thing after five minutes. I keep forgetting about that."

"ENTER THE RING OF HUGGING!" A spotlight flooded a circle in the center of the room in an overly-dramatic fashion.

The Doctor grabbed Rose's hand. "TO THE RING OF HUGGING! That's something you don't say every day. You know, the atrium on Level 3 of the TARDIS is sort of round. Maybe I should rename that the Ring of Hugging. Then I could say it more often! Although not sure it'd be an every day thing as I just don't need to go to the atrium that much."

"Is that the one with the statue of the flying pig?"

"No, it's the one with the wingless pig."

"You ever notice that the TARDIS really likes pigs?"

"Don't ask."

They reached the center of the ring and wrapped their arms around each other.

The blobs gasped blobbily.

They stood there for a bit before Rose sniffed next to the Doctor's ear. "You've been using my shampoo again, haven't you?"

"Mmmm. Mango and coconut."

"Please don't tell me you've been eating it too."

"No! Don't be ridiculous. I mean, I had a taste, sure. Who wouldn't? But now we're smell buddies!"

"Uh...hooray?"

"Just think. If we were fictional characters on some drama, that very thing would probably wind up being the key to saving the universe. Maybe it would open some sort of smell-related door lock that had been closed for centuries, simply because no one on the planet had ever thought to combine mangoes and coconuts."

"And today I learned that the mango and coconut combination makes Time Lords high."

"Ooh, hold tight."

The Doctor quickly dipped Rose, catching her off-guard. She half-grasped and half-flailed as he pulled her back up.

"What was that for?" Rose asked, still clutching the back of his coat.

"I think I'm going to be sick!" a blob voice called out.

The Doctor smirked. "Entertainment."

"So what are we going to do when we don't die after five minutes?"

"I've formulated a brilliant plan of strolling back to the TARDIS. I mean, they're blobs, Rose. You see how slow they move? And it's not like they're armed. Or legged!" He laughed at his own joke.

"Why didn't we just do that in the first place?"

"And pass up a perfectly good 'aliens made them do it' moment? Don't be daft."

"Have to say, this _is_ rather nice. I mean, in spite of doing it in front of psycho orange blobs."

"See? Oh, five minutes are up."

There was more blobish gasping.

"THEY HAVE WITHSTOOD THE RING OF HUGGING!" a blob cried out.

The Doctor waved to the blob audience. "I know, I know, you now think we're gods. And, well, I won't deny that there is that element of the spectacular..."

"BRING OUT THE RING OF BOILING OIL!"

"Yeah, I'm changing your plan from strolling to running." Rose grabbed his hand and pulled.

The Doctor pouted as they ran. "Why does no one ever go for the god thing?"

"Because this isn't some fictional drama?"

"The smell-lock planet would have thought we were gods."

"I am _so_ cutting you off of my shampoo."


End file.
